Customer Service
The other night, after imbibing no small amount of coffee to no apparent, timely avail, I found myself fatigued but unable to sleep. I mention the coffee, but I don’t think that played a part in my torture. I’ve recently found myself more than once nearly spilling joe on myself as I doze off, so my caffeine tolerance likely rivals the peak of Johnny Lydon’s heroin tolerance. Not that drug, but a steady stream of intriguing ideas and the seeds of future plans pushed against the soft fleshy interior of my skull. The noise, as it’s told, was deafening.
As a sign of the times, maybe, it then occurred to me: in a day when I can poll my bank accounts online, set a variety of options about what is and isn’t being done with my money, and retrieve data about my financial transactions; and in a day when all manner of corporation large and small is making pains to provide access (sometimes easy, and sometimes deep, and sometimes easy and deep) to whatever it is their audience might want, why, then, doesn’t God do the same? Why aren’t there a variety of forms–password protected, of course–that let me change all those settings which are fundamental to my function as a person, as a creature?
What I’d like to see is a place to set all of the following, among others:
- parameters for my metabolism
- the speed of signals along my neurons
- the proportionate mixture of neurotransmitters between them
- how good a liar I am
- how diligent I am in telling the truth, even when it hurts
- my skin color
- my IQ
- how often my brain is hammered by insanely, unwieldily creative thoughts
- how easy it is for me to maintain insanely, unwieldily, tortuously creative thoughts in whatever part of my memory I prefer
- …ad infinitum…
Now, all that said, couldn’t we go just a step further and ask for RSS? Of course, you couldn’t use FeedDemon without expecting some backlash.
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