A Few Words on Morons
If any of you has the great pleasure to join me in sating our desire for the opiate that are movies, on the big or little screen, please don’t attempt to restrain me should I become afflicted with what seems like a seizure or a fit of Tourette’s. Very likely, I’m distracting myself from the preview of a movie I might care to see. This generally finds me holding my ears and blathering nonsense (which is noticeable only because I’m holding my ears), and may also include crawling under furniture or writing on my face with Sharpies.
Rather than tell you why—the very antithesis of obfuscation—I’ll instead send you to Zachariah Kahn’s piece on “wanking and crying” at Balance. He’s a little hard on Christian—I mean, I remember getting the goosebumps when, during Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, a cabin door swooshed open to reveal one Ensign Slater (isn’t that clever—the character’s last name is the same as the actor’s). That notwithstanding, though, Zach’s got some very fine points, many having nothing to do with the previews per se, but which nonetheless tie together much of what is wrong with U.S. “cinema”.
About the inane and creatively bankrupt practice of leaving things clumsily open-ended, he posits:
“[I]f the first movie is a success (which it won’t be), they’ll need an explanation for how that rabid horse with the alien penis survived and came back to taste blood once again.”
Nail on the head. I’d write more myself; but I’ve got tickets for Herbie: Fully-Loaded Apocalypse of Destruction and Creme-filled Goodness and I can’t be late.
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