Ten Signs 2006 Will Be the Year of the Apocalypse
- The Campbell’s Chunky soup you brought for lunch is boiling after being microwaved.
- You can’t seem to settle on a name for the debut LP you’ll never release, but find “Spontaneous Human Corruption” the snappiest so far.
- You’ve searched eBay for rare Michael Landon memorabilia—twice.
- You visit the Hustler Superstore in Monroe, Ohio, partly to sate your appetite for quality cinema, and partly, secretly, just so you can be closer to the towering Jesus.
- For a tidy sum, you offer Google intellectual property rights to the concept of “Google Deity”, a service whereby a user may enter a comma-delimited list of divine qualities sought and receive, live via AJAX, customized pronouncements of guilt and angry rebuke.
- You spend hours drafting a recommendation to Al Quaida that they (a) privatize and (b) adopt a single spelling of their organization’s name, only to have the napkin stolen by angry neo-Marxists.
- You searched for a podcast by Pat Robertson.
- You were disappointed that you couldn’t find a podcast by Pat Robertson.
- You were slightly less disappointed upon finding a podcast by Pauly Shore.
- You feel compelled to sign all correspondance “Bingo, the 5th Horseman”.
In Aether, Foolishness on 4 January 2006 with no comments
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