Obfuscation Techniques Using Canned Meat
Your tonsils will never be the same.
There’s really no way to describe why I haven’t written without being awkward or obsequious or unwieldy, so I won’t. Here are some highlights of things I put in my head to ripen.
- It’s your responsibility to determine when what you have to say no longer interests me. I more than hold up my end of the deal by giving you enough hints: like closing my eyes; or staring at my shoes; or asking you to leave; or farting; or asking you again to leave; or starting a conversation with an imaginary creature named Scullga. I expect you to act like an adult and shut the hell up.
- Everyone I’ve talked to over the last couple of months has been left intact and mostly unharmed. Except for that violent probing. Ouch.
- My Moleskine is practically bursting with all kinds of meandering tautologies and obscure references I don’t myself understand. I do that to make those thieving jerks who sneak into my things think I’m nearly debilitated by brilliance.
- I am as steadfast as the Pope is for his god that there is nothing American filmmakers can do with vampires or other creatures of the dark that isn’t egregiously derivative and which might not just as well have been about an addiction to Nerf footballs.
- I pee more frequently than anyone I know except for my mom. I’m peeing right now!
- I can’t very concisely reproduce it here—mostly by lack of skill; but I’m reading Atlas Shrugged and am repeatedly struck by how much I adore Ayn Rand’s writing. The fact that I still have almost 1,000 pages of it to savor is delicious.
- I am finishing the first draft of a paper entitled Statistical Methods in the Demonstration of Just How Much People Suck. I posted video of a demonstration using an abacus and finger puppets to YouTube, but it got lost somewhere, and my copy’s corrupted. By power. Absolute power. Evil laughing.
So there. I feel compelled to do something with the frontpage layout here, maybe put the one most recent post in full-post fashion with some trailing bits of recent times. Or do a global replace of “the” with “tourniquet”. Likely, things will continue on as they currently are. Just saying.
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